Through the Tunnel
Doris Lessing
GOING to the shore on the first morning of the vacation, the young
English boy stopped at a turning of the path and looked down at a wild
and rocky bay, and then over the crowded beach he knew so well from
other years. His mother walked on in front of him, carrying a bright
striped bag in one hand. Her other arm, swinging loose, was very white
in the sun. The boy watched that white, naked arm, and turned his eyes,
which had a frown behind them, toward the bay and back again to his
mother.
When she felt he was not with her, she swung around. “Oh, there you are,
Jerry!” she said. She looked impatient, then smiled. “Why, darling,
would you rather not come with me? Would you rather --- “she frowned,
conscientiously worrying over what amusements he might secretly be
longing for, which she had been too busy or too careless to imagine. He
was very familiar with that anxious, apologetic smile. Contrition sent
him running after her. And yet, as he ran, he looked over his shoulder
at the wild day; and all morning, as he played on the safe beach, he was
thinking of it.
Next morning, when it was time for the routine of swimming and
sunbathing, his mother said, “Are you tired of the usual beach, Jerry?
Would you like to go somewhere else?”
“Oh, no!” he said quickly, smiling at her out of that unfailing impulse
of contrition --- a sort of chivalry. Yet, walking down the path with
her, he blurted out, “I’d like to go and have a look at those rocks down
there.”
She gave the idea her attention. It was a wild-looking place, and there
was no one there; but she said, “Of course, Jerry. When you’ve had
enough, come to the big beach. Or just go straight back to the villa, if
you like.” She walked away, that bare arm, now slightly reddened from
yesterday’s sun, swinging. And he almost ran after her again, feeling it
unbearable that she should go by herself, but he did not.
She was thinking, Of course he’s old enough to be safe without me. Have I
been keeping him too close? He mustn’t feel he ought to be with me. I
must be careful.
He was an only child, eleven years old. She was a widow. She was
determined to be neither possessive nor lacking in devotion. She went
worrying off to her beach.
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